i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
