Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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