found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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