I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
