Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
