just tell him i said nine months
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
