I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
