My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
