You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
