I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
