Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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