i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
