I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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