I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
