I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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