you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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