Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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