Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
