i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
