I wish I could teleport
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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