I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
