So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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