after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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