six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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