you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
