I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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