Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
