remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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