we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
