If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
