I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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