how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
