dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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