Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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