i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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