Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
