took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
