I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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