hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
