Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
