all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
