and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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