please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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