Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
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