i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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