No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
