Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
