I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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