you traded sex for a burrito?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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