My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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