when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
