if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
