I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
