That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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