Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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