Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
