my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
