Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
