You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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