Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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