Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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