i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
