This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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