i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
