Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
