Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
