My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
