shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
