So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Couch. On fire.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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