what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
