I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
