Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
