she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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