if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
PANTIES FOUND
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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