Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
